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lyrics

I know what it's like to die.
I've been inches away from it myself.
It's nothing poetic or freeing like the youtube philosophers would have you think.
I started losing blood and quickly and I'd never seen anything like it.

It was thick, almost solid, yet somehow it stained the floor.
My whole mouth tasted almost like a cheap vanilla milkshake and my breathing was heavy and dificult to swallow like a pill.
One thing that people say that is true is the whole light at the end of the tunnel shtick. But it was almost like I'd gone light headed and all the colours or whatever I could see melded into one white light.

You forget everything when you're dying. If you try to remember how you got into the situation you can't. You try to think of anything you can't you just have no choice but to experience it all.
Your life doesn't flash before your eyes but your regrets do.

You get very cold.
The last thing to go is your hearing and I could hear screaming around me, i could hear an inquisitive child, I could hear my own moans and attempts at speach and I could hear my mother but I can't describe how she sounded.
I'm never going to kill myself.
I have suicidal ideation and I've been close.

But rest assured I'm never going to kill myself.
I never wanna feel the things I felt again.

credits

from Nietzsche. Where is the why?, released September 4, 2020

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Isabella James Leeds, UK

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