Get all 17 Isabella James releases available on Bandcamp and save 60%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of King Emerald and His Staff, The Dancers Reward, Fayre Inongenes Stote (Single), The beauté faye upon her face, Non erthly thing it may desface. (Cult Of Lilith), Desdemona, Untitled, Oizys is Birthing Herself, Brenda Still Cries, and 9 more.
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Battle At Mt. Zion
10:06
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I'm not a normal girl,
I'm anything but,
We're the uncanny valley girls,
The kind you can't tell apart.
And we cry ourselves to sleep at night,
Because we're tired of what you say,
And we all hate the way we think and act,
We hate the wind in which we sway.
Socialising traumatising,
Victim shaming rape,
I know sisters who have died,
And you say that's okay.
But I'm powerless to fight against you,
Powerless against your name,
Your influence your consequence,
Your virtue singalling blame.
My tenemental makeup is the reason for my pain,
I know you don't understand but please try too,
Don't dismiss me like you did before don't leave me in the rain.
I know you hate me like I hate myself but please try too.
Simply being alive,
Is too much for me,
I think I'd much rather be dead.
You don't know what you did to me,
You don't know what you did to me,
You can't know what you did to me,
You can't.
My tenemental makeup is the reason for my pain,
I know you don't understand but please try too,
Don't dismiss me like you did before don't leave me in the rain.
I know you hate me like I hate myself but please try too.
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3. |
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There's nothing stopping me driving off a bridge tonight,
Except maybe I can't drive,
Maybe that will work in my favour,
Maybe that will work in my favour
Baby I don't know.
Oooooooh oh, *4
Cause I'm just chasing phantoms,
Couldn't live if I tried,
Even when I'm supposed to be happy,
My masculinity further drives.
You gotta work at life to make it better,
But I don't know where to start,
Every day's the same routine,
And I'm slowly losing heart.
Cause I'm just chasing phantoms,
Couldn't live if I tried,
Even when I'm supposed to be happy,
My masculinity further drives.
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4. |
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And am I born to die?
To lay this body down!
And as my trembling spirit fly
Into a world unknown?
A land of deeper shade,
Unpierced by human thought
The dreary region of the dead,
Where all things are forgot.
Soon as from earth I go
What will become of me?
Eternal happiness or woe,
Must then my fortune be!
Waked by the trumpet sound,
I from my grave shall rise;
And see the Judge with glory crowned,
And see the flaming skies!
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5. |
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I'm at the lowest point of my life,
Words can't do it justice,
How I'm feeling how I'm living,
How empty I am inside.
Godesses are hexed facades to make up for the confidence we lack,
At times Artimes and Hecate too looked solemnly back,
At the way they hate their body's like I desperately hate mine,
If I could disappear I hope I would I hope you realise.
I hate being conscious,
Living all the time,
I hate the way I'm loving you,
That's not what I chose to do.
I can't look in the mirror,
I'm scared of what I'll see,
What if I were to see myself,
Staring back at me.
The scars all over my body,
My greedy manly eyes,
If I locked the pupils,
I'd settle down and die.
I hate being conscious,
Living all the time,
I hate the way I'm loving you,
That's not what I chose to do.
I wanna feel comfortable,
I wanna feel alive,
I'm tired of being in this dream state,
I'm tired of being tired.
Tired of being tired,
Tired of being tired,
Tired of being tired,
Tired of being tired.
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6. |
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I feel so pathetic when I feel sad,
What have I done do earn it,
I still unreasonably beg for death,
The ache of modernism.
Detransitioning comes for us all in the end,
My hips weren't made for me,
My skull wasn't made for me,
I wasn't made for me.
I can't help but see it,
Visualise the pain I feel,
Visualise you lying there,
Barely corporeal.
I hate you but I miss you,
I miss myself,
I should've died,
I'm sorry you had to watch me fail.
I've tried three more times after that,
But I guess you wouldn't know,
You wouldn't realise,
I reject nature.
I can't help but see it,
Visualise the pain I feel,
Visualise you lying there,
Barely corporeal.
I'm fucking twisted I'm mangled,
There's no fiction to see here,
I am broken beyond repair,
But that's not your fault.
I killed jesus,
And I'll kill you too,
Cancer has eaten me,
And it will eat you too.
I'm the suicidal American dream,
Eating myself from the inside,
Eating myself from the inside,
A rat in a bowl.
I killed jesus,
And he said thank you,
I killed jesus,
And he said thank you.
I am a plague upon myself,
I am my own demise,
I resent myself with a painful blade,
I rebuke the way I'll die.
I am a coward,
I haven't killed myself yet,
Sooner or later it will happen,
You won't know me if I'm dead.
I'm the suicidal American dream,
Eating myself from the inside,
Eating myself from the inside,
A rat in a bowl.
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7. |
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I want you to know that I don't hate you,
I just can't stay here anymore,
Depression has overwhelmed me,
I can't escape my aching sores.
But you don't make it better,
If anything you make it worse,
So drag me out of this godforsaken house,
Lying on a herse.
I cry myself to sleep,
Every night,
But you don't care about that.
I mutilate myself,
Everyday,
But hey hey hey now.
I don't think you know how much I love you,
But I hate you at the same time,
Its a dichotomatic spiral,
One I'm putting behind me.
And I'm ready to go,
I'm ready to leave,
I'm ready to tell you,
What I mean.
I'll make friends,
I'll drive cars,
I'll eat food,
I'll go far,
And it won't be a problem.
But look at me when I talk to you,
And maybe you'll realise,
My traumatic experience never was a crime.
But look at me when I speek to you,
And maybe you'll realise,
Maybe baby maybe you just had no reason to rhyme.
I cry myself to sleep,
Every night,
But you don't care about that.
I mutilate myself,
Everyday,
But hey hey hey now.
I cry myself to sleep,
Every night,
But you don't care about that.
I mutilate myself,
Everyday,
But hey hey hey now.
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8. |
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This tree is set to fell,
Not tomorrow not today,
Noone here would miss this tree,
It would go anyway.
This tree has grown outside it's soil,
Not in an inspirational way,
This tree has grown tired of it's body,
This slumber won't fade away.
My roots compress my chest I can't breathe,
Half plant and half who knows,
Traumatised by my performance,
And the way my body grows.
I will fell myself like a luberjack,
Woodchip my body away,
Carve out myself an idol,
Till these feelings woe astray.
Calling out into the void but the void doesn't hear me,
The void is on the phone line the void has killed my friends,
I won't let you're touch come near me,
Stimulation is a nervous passage directly to my brain.
My roots compress my chest I can't breathe,
Half plant and half who knows,
Traumatised by my performance,
And the way my body grows.
I will fell myself like a luberjack,
Woodchip my body away,
Carve out myself an idol,
Till these feelings woe astray.
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I have deconstructed myself to the point that I am no longer human I am but I a series of metaphors vaguely linked by the idea of feminity.
I am a disgusting performative version of what I wish I was.
I am an idea in your head.
I used to feel comfortable when I slept,
But I don't anymore,
I keep on having nightmares,
As cheesey as that sounds.
I'm always in a forest,
And I'm being held in the arms of a woman a ginger woman,
I don't know why but I always start running,
The trees become a maze they tangle themselves together and block my path,
Suddenly the trees are bricks and suddenly the bricks are mirrors,
I have no choice but to look at myself,
Be surrounded by myself,
And then I wake up.
I wake up into a body I hate,
Feeling things I don't want to feel,
But not emotional things physical things,
Sometimes I don't know if I can feel emotions anymore.
But when I do they're so overhelming,
Dysphoria, unrequited love, sadness.
It's those three on a sequel,
I don't even have the nerves to kill myself.
I can see her underneath myself,
I can see her crawling in my skin,
I just want a take a knife and carve her out,
The secret girl within.
I detest myself with a writhing angst,
The kind of motion in a mass grave,
I hate the way I consumed this role,
The role of a war not of play.
I feed myself on lies you tell me,
Cause you don't want the truth,
I didn't fucking ask to be born,
Into a say I couldn't sooth.
Yet here I am alone again,
Here I am dependent again,
Here I am a man again,
A woman never to you?
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